Friday, January 20, 2006

NFL Playoffs: Balls, lesbian cheerleaders and hairy quarterbacks

Panther Pride!

(not pictured: Kerry Collins, Rae Carruth, Tim Biakabatuka)

First - no OC recap today. I haven't watched the episode yet and I probably won't get to the recap until Monday. Sorry. I'm a day behind on everything this week. I blame Martin Luther King. Speaking of whom, there should be a piece coming to expand on the comments I made for Malatron's post on Gawker's coverage of MLK Day.

Also, Michael Axelrod is the best porn name that isn't.

Let's get to the picks.

AFC Championship: Pittsburgh at Denver
Ugh. This game's impossible to handicap. Denver quietly had one of the best seasons by playing solid, mistake-free ball. But the Steelers are on a roll and they've won some tough games on the road. What makes picking the winner here is that both teams are here partly due to poor play from their opponents. I'm going to have to go with the quarterback with more beard. Plus, most people seem to be picking the Steelers and the can't lose theory stands here - if the Broncos win, I look smart and if the Steelers win, at least I had balls. Better to have balls than be right. Denver by 10

NFC Championship: Carolina at Seattle
Again, no logic here, except that Jake Delhomme is 5-1 in the postseason with 4 of those wins coming on the road. The injuries hurt (no shit), especially if Julius Peppers is a no go. But I have faith. Since I don't really have anything insightful to say, let's talk about Steve Smith.
  • Steve Smith can stop criminals with his pinky finger.
  • Steve Smith saves children and small animals from burning buildings in his free time.
  • Steve Smith can grate parmesan cheese with his fingers.
  • Steve Smith invented text messaging.
  • Steve Smith learned to speak Portuguese at age 2 and Vietnamese at age 7, and recently translated A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius to Latin.
  • Steve Smith can not only solve the Rubik's Cube in less than a minute, but also use it to communicate with aliens.
  • Steve Smith opens locks by looking at them.
  • Steve Smith once got Jewish and Palestinian men to make out with each other. And made it look hot.
  • Steve Smith built a skyscraper one night because he was bored.
Which is to say, the Panthers are headed to the Super Bowl. Carolina by 3

Last week: 2-2 straight up, 2-2 against the spread
Overall: 5-3 straight up, 4-4 against the spread


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