Tuesday, September 13, 2005

For me, Seth Cohen will always be the #1 mancrush

Yesterday, a commenter on this site made a throwaway reference to Anderson Cooper's sexuality and I returned it with a throwaway remark of my own. Then on my subway ride home, I skimmed through the latest issue of New York mag which happened to have a long ass feature article on Silver Haired Stallion's coverage of Hurricane Katrina.

About midway through, Coop is asked about his sexuality and his response is adamantly ambiguous:
"You know, I understand why people might be interested. But I just don't talk about my personal life. It's a decision I made a long time ago, before I ever even knew anyone would be interested in my personal life."

Now, let's pretend for a moment that AC is straight. I am starting to wonder if maintaining ambiguity is the best way to live life as a straight man.

At this point, Ace has probably has more to lose by announcing one way or the other. Chicks dig gay and ambiguously gay guys (though my girlish figure and naturally smooth chest seem to attract more dudes than girls). By allowing the public to believe whatever it wants to believe, he appeals to all while alienating no one. Enough red staters probably hate him for being part of the liberal media anyway, gay or not.

Plus, someone under the media glare like Cooper can date a girl without scrutiny and pressure by passing her off as a beard. And if he were to break up with her, he needs not worry about the inevitable "See, I told you he was gay" comments.

But the last thing you want to do if you want the gay rumors to go away is to do the Mike Piazza "I'm not gay" official statement. See, rumors are always going to be around but they hardly stay at the top of the news. Taking an official position only intensified the scrutiny. The best thing to do i

(I do wonder what Anderson Cooper's official position is - I'm thinking on top, reverse cowboy. Mike Piazza is a catcher, obviously.)

Granted, Piazza probably felt compelled to make the announcement since homosexuality is a little more taboo for athletes, considering that the life of a professional athlete is already pretty homoerotic, what with communal showers, locker room nudity, hard bodies, hugging, butt slapping, tight pants, fancy clothes, long hours spent together on the road and in hotels, etc etc.

Despite whatever short term relief the press conference gave him (most likely none), Piazza will always be the guy who really wanted us to believe he was straight. The announcement just made people question other things about Piazza, like the fact that he had a mustache all through his 20s and well into his 30s, the metallic blond do he rocked for a while and that he seemingly overcompensates by dating Playmates (Who really wants to date a Playmate anyway? Feel her breasts to see if they're real? Have protected sex with her? Sure. But not date).

Really, the best thing to do is to just accept that we're all a little bit gay - we all have our secret gay fantasies, right? - and not get all worked up over it. Because when you spend so much energy denying your gayness, you'll just think about it so much more and all you will think about is hot steamy gay sex.

Much better to have all the options open, even if you only take one.

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