What? No Dixie Chicks?

No love for Madalone.

Seriously how did the Chicks not make the list of top conservative songs? Isn't "Goodbye Earl" a song about Victim Rights, the Second Amendment and keeping the gub'mint out of your beeswax? Or so one would think judging by some of the logical gymnastics employed in picking the Top 50 Conservative Songs compiled by John J. Miller of National Review last week.

Other people, including our favorite kiddy porn scholar, have ripped the list to shreds so I won't go into too much detail here, except to say...

How bad is "conservative music" that Creed, Kid Rock and Sammy fucking Hagar make the list? We're talking about the 50 best here.

For conservatives who enjoy rock, it isn’t hard to agree with the opinion Johnny Cash expressed in “The One on the Right Is on the Left”: “Don’t go mixin’ politics with the folk songs of our land"?

Good grief. Cash was one of the most politically active musician of his time. You think "Man In Black" wasn't a politically charged song? For the love of Nuge, he wrote a whole fucking album about the mistreatment of Native Americans.

I had a feeling "Brick" would make the list. But fuck, wouldn't potential health complications of abortion make it even more imperative that the practice is legal and safe? And here's the thing - despite what pro-lifers would have you believe, pro-choice is not pro-abortion. Liberals recognize that abortions are unpleasant and should not be taken lightly. Sure, there might be people who consider abortion to be a form of birth control. But those people do not represent the majority of those who pursue abortion, the ones who do so because of economic necessity or women who were impregnated because of unwanted circumstances.

On the same note, I'm sure Ben Folds, John Fogerty, Mick Jagger, Bono, John Lennon, John Mellencamp, etc etc are thrilled to learn that they've penned conservative songs.

Either that or Miller is guilty of willful obtuseness, outright lying or downright stupidity. Or all of the above.

Or this is just a great work of satire exposing the emptiness of today's conservative rhetoric.

Why else would you pick "Won't Get Fooled Again" - the title alone should induce giggles of ridicule- the ultimate anti-establishment rock anthem as the top conservative song? The conservative movement in America is as morally and intellectually bunk as liberalism is inept - which is to say, completely. The list actually does a good job of representing the dichotomy within the right wing.

On the one hand, you have The Who and The Beatles allegedly espousing the Republicans' traditional libertarian values, railing out against the "nanny state" and "central control". And on the other, you have the Sex Pistols and Ben Folds Five supposedly wanting the government as an agent that promotes, nay, instills moral values. Conservatives refuse to admit this seemingly obvious contradiction.

And while Miller praises the Beatles and the Who for their apparent disillusionment with political change, he sings quite a different tune while gushing over Jesus Jones and the Scorpions.

So John J. Miller, do you want the government telling you what to do and who you can fuck or not? Should we fight for political change or not? Make up your fucking mind already.

There you have it - conservatives don't really stand for anything, but they have a lot of stuff they don't like. And they will lie and contradict themselves to make a point. Not that liberals don't, but at least we baby eating pinko commies don't pretend to be straight shooters who see things in black and white, and we don't consider fucking people over to be particularly virtuous.