We live in a global world now, one where that blog you are reading might really have been written by someone in India...

Yususke asked me to do a guest post. He even saved the very last spot for me. So obviously I agreed, as it is a simple request to fill. But ever vigilant to make things even easier for myself than they already are , I decided to farm my post out. I contacted a blogger in Hawaii, as I hear that they blog for real cheap there. He graciously agreed to write a post up for half of the monies that Yusuke had agreed to pay me. So without further adieu, here is his guest post.

and p.s. You really should go spend a moment perusing his blog, it's pretty weird good stuff.
And he hates E-40.

Everybody give a nice warm welcome to Kool Keith el etro!

(claping and cheering)


--Hey. So. Spinach dip. I like spinach dip. Specially with, um, tortilla chips, you know, the toasty ones. Er, wait. I think I like artichoke dip more. Goddammitt I'm all confused now.

So, new york, eh? I won't even bother condescending some bullshit about "oh yeah" this or "heffer jugs" that, I mean, fuck that, I know you don't wanna hear it & I don't wanna dish it so I won't slap you across your junky ass metaphorically and even start down that road.

What will I talk about? Shit, suddenly a mofo gotta talk about something? This is supposed to be 2004 or some shit, right? Man, unless someone took away my nitrous balloon, I know it is, er, sorry, yeah, that wasn't funny. It was just effin' stupid.

This whole guest blog thing is kinda 1982, but I'm still feelin it a bit, and I know you are(nt), and I mean, I think that you, I, and that green shirted dude over on King and Alakea know (everyone together now) what I mean when I say that. Oh yeah, you don't.

Allow me to clarify. Everything of what was written above? It's analogous to the third paragraph of Jack Palance's Oscar acceptance speech. Kind of like a one-handed pushup, but if you did it in your mind, 'na mean?

So this blog's about drinkin' too, eh? I like drinkin. I used to drink a lot of bourbon and rum. I kinda cut that shit out when I woke up layin next to the toilet. The 4th time. Er, wait, was it the 5 th time? In that one month. Anyway, yeah, but I think I'mma start up again on Tuesday. Lately it's just been beers. You know how it goes. If you don't, I guess that's cool too.

So, uh, yeah. Go to my website and buy all my shit. That was a joke. I ain't sellin a goddamm thing. Yup, I'm dumb like that. The only way I get paid off of any of this diatribe slangin drippy style shit is from those dudes that publish marmaduke. They pay me a monthly never to mention that big ol' dog. And there I went and fucked myself outta that cash too. Hope it was worth it. Remember my sacrifice. Write it down at the end of your grocery list under "oatmeal."


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tags: kool keith