Tuesday, March 28, 2006

When Giving Your Very Best Just Isn't An Option

Well, I was prepared to come out and pour my heart into this guest spot but then I found out our host was popping other blog cherries, too. The hell, man? So, in lieu of getting between my inexperienced thighs, he'll have to settle for the blog world's version of a half-hearted handjob - the lame top ten list. For when you like someone, just not enough to mess up your hair. So, with no further ado:

The Top 10 Reasons Guestblogging Is Muhfuggin' Awesome!

(I Told You It Wasn't Going To Be A+ Material)

  1. I get to spread the homoeroticism as thickly as I want and get to use words like "Muhfuggin'" without a single Google search ever linking this sad shit to a website with my name on it.
  2. For one, all-too-brief, moment, I get to pretend that I, too, am one of the NYC blogging elite. Cupcakes for everyone!
  3. SWAG. Who doesn't like free shit?
  4. It's a good way to waste time on my computer without resorting to the old standbys: sports, porn or countless hours spent playing Championship Manager.
  5. This appears to appears to be one of the last Chuck Norris free areas left on the internets.
  6. This doesn't really fit in with the rest of the items, but I was planning to post a link to the video of Randolph Childress busting Jeff McInnis's ass in the '95 ACC tourney. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the clip. You can find Japanese gameshow clips and videos of shirtless, lip-synching college basketball players by the bushel, but not a single second of that glorious moment when the collective souls of Tar Heel Nation were forcibly ripped from their chests by one young man hailing from our nation's capitol. I smell a Carolina Blue conspiracy afoot.
  7. Since I was both too late and too untalented to come up with the excellent rapper-football program comparison, I figure this is the best gateway to start working on the long-awaited college basketball program-defunct Nickelodeon shows from my childhood post. It. Will. Suck. Massively. That's still not gonna stop me from finding a way to link Kansas under Williams/Self and Count Duckula. And don't even get me started on COPS.
  8. All the good vegetable blog names have been taken, so it's nice nice to take this one for a test drive. I'm not sure how well the scalloped potatoes blog would've worked anyway.
  9. Considering all of the toothpulling it took for me to finally sit down and eke out this little bit of junk, I'm pretty sure my future blogging aspirations have seen their last glimpse of daylight. I guess I'll just go back to sending in letters to Penthouse Forum under some of my assumed names.
  10. Fall-out pussy. Because there's a little Johnny Drama in all of us.

Thank you for your time, folks. I need to go wash my hands now and make sure I didn't get any of that stuff on my sweater.

<< Home