Monday, March 20, 2006

Out of the ashes

Welcome to the very first post of the spinachdip nyc Guest Blogger Series. Our first guest blogger comes from sunny San Diego but now lives in the nether reaches of Brooklyn, NY. When not studying for his airline pilot license or blogging at Gentrifried Rice he enjoys walking his dog and picnics in the park. Probably. -ed

True story: I met Suke about two months ago after a reading at Mo Pitkins. He came up to me and said, "I thought I was supposed to be the token Asian dude here." Anyway, I'm Stan and I'll be your token Asian guestblogger today.
Thank God for the Big Guns. The Jenny Lewis show on Saturday broke the spell I had been in for a week. I was suffering from some kind of condition that kept me from holding any conversations about anything other than sports or a certain plane full of snakes. You know... like a case of March Madness. But with more snakes.

In preparation for the show, I brainstormed some J-Lew pick-up lines but, surprisingly, most of them just ended up sounding crude. Case in point: "Hey Jenny! Since Blake isn't here, can I be the one to salute your shorts?" (Side note: It's really fucking hard to pick up on someone when they're on stage and you're in a sea of people. But seriously, call me!) This, of course, touches upon a larger question--how did Rilo Kiley succeed with not just one, but two child actors? Maybe child stardom is the next great breeding ground for indie rock bands. Anyway, for the sake of this post, let's assume it is.

Ideas for potential child star collaborations:

The Yothers Brothers. So, apparently, Tina Yothers has already tried the whole music thing. Her mistake with "Jaded" was choosing the wrong sibling (Cory "Bumper" Yothers) as a bandmate. See, the thing is... Tina Yothers (no joke) has a foster sister named... TINA YOTHERS. The novelty potential for this band is off the charts and frankly, this just won't stop blowing my mind.

The Sidekicks. Andrew Koenig, Josh Saviano, Max Casella, Marc Price... those names doing anything for you? What about Boner, Paul, Vinnie and Skippy? Thought so. The problem with this idea is picking a lead singer from a group of second fiddles. Paul Pfeiffer, however, was born to be a bassist. Touring ideas: 1) Kimmy Gibler + Six = back-up singers? 2) T-Mobile sponsorship. [Related anecdote: A friend of mine visited Yale in high school and crashed at one of their sororities. One of the girls that lived there woke everyone up to tell them that she had "just fucked Paul from the Wonder Years." Is this even considered starfucking? If so, do you think I could get some tail by pretending to be Data from Goonies/Short Round from Indiana Jones?]

Lasch Bridges. Take one child actor who played thugs (David Lascher) and one child actor who turned into a thug (Todd Bridges), add some unspoken racial tension and a heavy beat... it's Lasch Bridges, bitches. Rhetorical question: Say I brought up David Lascher with two friends (separately) and one asks, "Is that the guy from Blossom?" and another one goes, "The dude from Hey Dude?" and I've always just seen him as that Blossom-Hey Dude guy, does that make me more pathetic than my friends?

Bonus half-baked band idea: The Electric Judith Light Orchestra. No child stars here... just Judith Light backed by other TV moms--Joanna Kerns, Meredith Baxter, and maybe for obscurity's sake, the woman who showed up on an episode or two of Saved by the Bell as Zack's mom. Album title: Damn! I Wish I Was Your Mother.

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