Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Bush's big dumb speechery

So I was at the Roots/De La/Doom show last night (more on that later) so I missed Bush's TV interruption but I did catch up via the transcript and doesn't look like I missed much. Same old smoke and mirrors, calling Iraq the centerpiece of War on Terror (um, Saudi Arabia, anyone?).

You know, I don't completely disagree with Bush's main point, that it would be disastrous in so many ways if the US pulled out of Iraq now. For the sake of Iraq and for American security, the troops have to stay.

But the rest of the speech? Pffffft. And Walter Shapiro has a nice little piece on HuffPo (my first Huffington link!):
But the line he used to explain the timetable for American withdrawal ("As the Iraqis stand up, we will stand down") came across as far too gimmicky for such a major occasion. Another maladroit sentence was Bush's assertion "that Iraqis are courageous and that they need additional skills.' Assessments like "need additional skills" used to send minority youth into job-training programs, not to describe potential allies.

Really though, why waste 30 good minutes of American people's lives and interrupt wonderful summer network programming? Why not send out an email and do it all viral? Like this:
To: Sheeple
Subj: Kicking ass in Iraq!

Guys, sorry about the mass email but I want everyone to read this because my poll numbers have been taking a hit, and if they don't improve, Congress won't pass my bills and if my bills don't get passed, I can't help my corporate friends! Rove told me I can stop paying attention to poll numbers after 2004! He's a big fat liar! But I guess that's why I hired him.

Anyway, here's the deal:
  • We're doing just fine in Iraq. But you know, you don't always have your way. Don't believe the media! Our troop levels are just fine!

  • It would be really really cool if you sign up for the military. It's, like, about the most noble thing you can do.

  • We don't have a timeline. But don't worry, we're still on schedule.

  • That doesn't mean I'm going to increase spending though. I'm actually cutting VA hospital budgets. And I know, I know, the troops on the ground still don't have a lot of essential supplies but I want y'all to check out this website I've been working on: America Supports You. I hope the guys in the military like it!

  • September 11. Iraq. September 11. Iraq. September 11. Iraq.

    I'm not saying the two have anything to do with each other - that would be lying, and that's what I have Rove and Rummie for. I just like to talk about these things at the same time.

  • Osama. Iraq. Osama. Iraq. Insurgency. Terrorists. Insurgency. Terrorists. September 11. Iraq.

  • Dicky was totally kidding about that "last throes" thing. We've got a looooong ways to go before we can get out of Iraq. Ooooh boy. Those insurgents really know what they're doing, don't they?

  • So I have these totally new things we can try and beat those terrorinsurgents:
    1. Our guys should work with the Iraqi guys who like us.
    2. Maybe some of our guys should go over to the Iraqi guys and help them, like, as embedded advisers. They're so clueless!
    3. We'll work with the interior and defense militaries of Iraq, exchange notes and stuff.
    This is totally going to revolutionize things!

  • Man, it's a good thing I got this term limit, because whoever comes after me has a MESS of a war to clean up.

  • I'm not going to mention social security.

Send this to 10 people within the hour you read this. If you do, your wish will come true. If you don't it will become the opposite. God bless America.

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