Thursday, June 15, 2006

Four days late and a grand short

Neutral Milk Hotel had that one song, you know, the one about that mode of transport going over a certain body of water.

I know, 12:30 am Thursday is a bit late to be doing a weekend recap, but as longtime readers should have realized by now, such is the nature of this blog. At least until y'all start paying me.

So how was my weekend? In a word, awesome. I took a much needed a break from the city to attend the wedding of my good friends Whitney and Scott on the very gorgeous island of Nevis. In Nevis were a sea to be swam in, lobsters to be eaten (and then emulated by my skin), and carribean rhythms to be danced to (badly).

Pictures here, bullet points below.

  • My initial impression of Puerto Rico, where I changed planes: damn, that air conditioning's strong.

  • My second impression: this is nothing like Spanish Harlem.

  • So I was originally scheduled to fly down on Thursday, but came in a day late because of work conflicts. It's never a good idea to "catch up" on your tan.

  • Five years in New York made me really, really pale.

  • Not any more!

  • Every wedding should be preceded with a lobster bake on the 18th hole.

  • The bride's mother, who is essentially my mom away from home, was disappointed that I only ate three lobsters and failed to outeat two other guests at the party. I pointed out to her that the two probably outweighed me by 200 lb each.

  • Note to party bands: "Wonderful Tonight" is a lovely, romantic song but there's no need to play it twice in one night.

  • And I'm not sure how appropriate "Careless Whispers" is on a night before the wedding.

  • But "Suspicious Minds"? I highly approve.

  • The conga line superior to the Electric Slide

  • I'm seriously considering moving to Nevis. I could raise sheep, I'm sure. That should be enough to pay my cable bill, right?

  • Preachers who talk about the man's duty to derobe the woman: excellent.

  • Watching the bride's parents squirm as the preacher repeats the word "naked": superb.

  • Let's say the reception is over and your group has managed to commandeer the drinks from the open bar. You are partying in your hotel room but your group wants to play flip cups and there is no suitable surface for cup flipping. So naturally, you head out to the pool.

    You realize you have a case of beer and no bottle opener, so you volunteer to get it and join the others. After retrieving the bottle opener, you are on your way to the pool, but you are almost driven off path by a golf cart carrying two drunk girls. The drunk girls ask if you want a ride. Without hesitation, you say "Yes." How often do you get to ride a golf cart driven by a drunk in tropical paradise? You abandon your beer bottle opener retriever duties and get in the back.

    As the golf cart speeds down the path, you realize this could be your very last drunken ride in tropical paradise. You hold on for dear life. Then you look around and see how beautiful the island is at night. And you look back and see a van trailing not far behind. You hold on tighter. They're shouting something. You think to yourself, you're not doing anything wrong, are you? It is a moot question, as you are at the mercy of the driver who is not slowing down.

    The death ride comes to a screeching halt as you find yourself at the resort's security gate. Three issues come up. The security guard at the gate does not want us to leave the resort and hit the open road. And it turns out that they were shouting from the van because you were on the wrong side of the road. And you do not have your headlights on. That three drunk guests are riding the hotel golf cart is not an issue.

  • I miss the beach already. I vow to be back in the Carribean before the year is out. Vow, dammit.

  • Again, congrats to the happy couple who are island hopping as we speak.

  • music:
    Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds
    Rilo Kiley - In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (live)

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