Linking to Gawker posts is silly...

I rarely visit the site these days anyway. But I was doing a little browsing and I couldn't ignore this link to a (now removed) eBay sale by a guy who has really, really, really nice things to say about his "f*ckin' smokin' hot" sister. But beware, "if you are GERMAN, JAPANESE, CHINESE or AUSTRALIAN, please do not bid!" Two words: fucking classy.

Click on the jump for the full sales pitch. [click here to continue]BUY THE RIGHT TO DATE MY SISTER, MEET HER AND MAYBE LUV

A DATE WITH MY 23 year old SISTER!  SHE IS YOUNG, SHE IS HOT, AND SHE IS UNAWARE OF THIS AUCTION! (You are actually bidding on a once in a lifetime opportunity to make a deal with me! A couple of her ex-boyfriends would have paid the BIG price for a deal with me, as I was openly telling her what I was thinking about them! If you are the winning bidder, I will let you date her, tell her you are nice and everything but the main thing is THAT AUCTION MUST STAY SECRET OR AT LEAST SHE MUST NOT BE ADVERTISED! Take your chance!)

General Description

She is young! (24 years old, birth on December 31st 1981)

She is f*ckin' smokin' hot and she DON'T HAVE FAKE BOOBS! Real ones!

She is beautiful and very intelligent (She is currently studying in University to become a teacher)

She is not VIRGIN, but almost. She only had s*x with 4 different partners. As she passed HIV tests and STD tests a week ago, she is not sick or infected! I know this is kind of personnal but it is an important detail to know for you buyers!

I can't provide any picture of her or she will become too easy to trace and will be informed by the medias, what should not be made if we want the deal to be sweeet! Everything will be arranged so you can meet her naturally, in a place I know she will be totally amazed! As her brother, I know what she likes and what she wants the most to happen someday! Here is your chance to become her own PRINCE!

She is drivin' an ACURA, she has many friends, she is nice to talk to. ALSO IMPORTANT: She speaks french(this is her first language) & english, nothing else! So if you are GERMAN, JAPANESE, CHINESE or AUSTRALIAN, please do not bid!(For the Australian thing, it is because she hates kangaroos :P)

******WHAT IS INCLUDED IN THIS AUCTION!********

-The right to meet her and date her then. With the informations I will give you, you can be sure you will be able to do it!(Anyway, I will give your MONEY BACK if you are not able to do it!)

-A Diner in a very nice 5 Stars RESTAURANT(the kind of place where you can eat alone for about 300$ ! :-p ) for both of you, including any tip, wine and everything! Sure, you will be able to say you paid for everything and get the credit for it!


-The exclusive chance to meet me, as I will refuse any interview to ANYONE before the auction ends and this is my right!

-The right to get all and everything you need to know to make her happy and to eventually maybe fall in love with you.(If you are a jerk, a nerd or a computer freak DO NOT BID, she already don't like you!)

-The right to have my services ANY TIME for hints about what she likes or dislikes for a period of one year!

Here is the type of MEN that should bid (as she don't like girls!)

-Between 5'6'' and 6'2

-Concerning age, at least 21 but maximum 40(and if your fourthy, make sure you are in good shape!)

-Not fat, not too much muscles neither!

-Musicians have a good quote!

-Between 135lbs and 235lbs, depending on your shape! (As an example, a 5'6'' man weigthin' 235 lbs would be not appropriated)

-It is a bit important to have a nice face AND a nice brain, or you will be rejected, she don't like machos neither.

-For the rest, just make sure you are not on Social Help Funds or anything like this.

-Business men, sports players, street racers, TV people, college and University students and teachers are welcome too!

-FINALLY, IF YOU ARE A FREAK, A PSYCHO, AN ASSH*LE, A PERVERT, OR ANYTHING THAT COULD HARM MY SISTER, DO NOT BID! I LOVE HER AND I DON'T WANT MY SISTER TO GET HURT, I ONLY WANT TO GET HER A NICE BOYFRIEND!

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION ABOUT HER, PLEASE ASK! I WILL ANSWER QUICK!

And there is a warranty!

I offer the guarantee that if she is not beautiful, hot and everything I said, I will give your MONEY BACK! I also guarantee that IF the information I will give you is not accurate, I WILL GIVE YOUR MONEY BACK! This money back is valid 30 days after auction end.

Biding on this item means that you accept these terms. I will try to answer each and every question you will ask.

Shipping Terms and policies

This auction is availiable for anyone who meets the requirements stated before anywhere in the world.

However, You will have to deal with the fact she lives in a CANADIAN PROVINCE. I can't say wich one to keep her privacy. However, even if I live in Province Of Quebec, it is not sure that she is living in the same one as me(as she is studying in a UNIVERSITY!)

As the summer is coming, this is your chance to meet one special & sooooo nice girl & hot & everything!

ONE LAST IMPORTANT THING! AS I AM NOT GOING TO PUT MY SISTER'S LIFE IN ANY DANGER OF ANY KIND, YOU WILL HAVE TO MEET ME FIRST AND BRING A CERTIFICATE SAYIN' YOU DID NOTHING CRIMINAL IN YOUR LIFE! THIS IS JUST ABOUT NORMAL! BID BIDDING, YOU ALSO UNDERSTAND I WILL HAVE TO CHECK YOUR BACKGROUND TO SEE IF YOU HAVE CHILDS AND A WOMAN, AS I DON'T WANT TO GET ANYTHING THAT COULD HURT SOMEONE'S FEELINGS!

THANK YOU!