Sunday, November 07, 2004

You know you live in a blue state if....

Some my own, some I am blatantly plagiarizing from BigSoccer:

  • You open up the paper and see people crying over the election results

  • Blacks can sit at the lunch counter

  • Your state actually has stuff the terrorists want to blow up
    Your neighbor knows Saddam wasn't involved in 9/11

  • At the local high school, the student body marijuana club is closed and its members are suspended....because the teachers discover it is a front for a clandestine Bible study

  • (click here to continue)

  • Children can read Catcher in the Rye without fear of paddling
  • You are not ashamed of your college degree

  • You are not ashamed of your college degree even if your football team loses

  • "I don't like his wife" was not one of the determining factors in your vote on Tuesday.

  • You've used the term "flyover country" not as a joke or a slur, but as a matter of fact. You probably used it while flying over it

  • You've attended a "commitment ceremony" for either a gay or straight couple

  • The movie phrase "now playing in select cities" means it's playing down the street from you

  • Your governor announces he's gay, and his approval rating rises

  • You're secretly hoping that the evangelicals are right and that the Rapture really does happen, since it means we'll finally be rid of them all and have the place to ourselves

  • "Dinner and Theater" means Charlie Trotter's and Chekov, not TGI Friday's and "Legends: Where Only the Best Celebrities Are Impersonated!"

  • Late night shenanigans involving beer and shotguns get your arrested

  • Cowboy hats are worn pretty much on Halloween only... except for that naked-guitar playing guy in NYC

  • Nobody ever gets "uppity"

  • You don't think Dale Earnhart is sitting at the right hand of God

  • You don't get in your car to go half a block down the street to pick up your dry cleaning

  • You don't need a designated driver

  • You know that it's rude to spread out across the sidewalk

  • When you get take-out Chinese, #45 tastes different from #23

  • You can read a book during your commute

  • You can read

  • You can go to craigslist and find pretty much anything, including furniture, roommates, that cute girl you saw on the F-train on the way to work

  • You don't know anyone who's been on Springer, Judge Judy or the like

  • Your first reaction is not "Honey, get me my shotgun"

  • Your community does not feel the need to construct a "World's Biggest ____ (insert farm product)" to get people to get off the interstate at your exit

  • Evolution vs Creation is a chapter on 19th century thought, not tonight's agenda at the local school board

  • When you're in an industry party and Chloe Sevigny is sitting 2 booths down from you, and you act like you don't care

  • You know who Chloe Sevigny is

  • And you care

  • Mullet is a fish, not a hairstyle

  • You don't flinch while someone passes you on the sidewalk, slapping himself as hard as he possibly can over and over

  • You've spent valuable time at the Genius Bar in an Apple Store

  • You have a sizable collection of plastic / paper bags from Whole Foods Market that you don't know what to do with, but don't want to just throw out (helpful hint: the store will take them back)

  • General Lee isn’t considered the greatest General and automobile ever

  • The "H" in "vehicle" is silent

  • You hit the "Scan" button on your car radio and don't keep coming back to the preacher dude

  • The most respected figure in your community is not the football coach

  • "Get the fuck out!" is an exclamation, not a command followed by a "click"

  • "Good ol' days" refers to the early 90s, before gentrification

  • “Crossfire” is a show on CNN, not an argument with your in-laws

  • You smirk at the phrase "fair and balanced"

  • Jay Leno is not funny

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