The OC Season 2 Episode 5: Josh Schwartz uses The Schwartz, finally

Previously: Season 2 Episode 4

I believe we had the first good episode of The OC in this not-so-young-any-more Season 2 after four episodes of much ado about diddly crap.

Thursday night saw our first punch of the season, The OC's first ever lesbo makeout, retroactive uncovering of an aborted incest attempt, and generally a good, fun, cheeky episode that we had come to expect, but almost lost hope on.

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Okay, so here's how it all happens. It's the winter quasi-formal, cheekily titled "Welcome To The Sno C". Of course, whenever there's a school dance in TV land, characters put way too much importance into it than could be considered to be healthy, and the OC kids are no different. The kids, Seth, Summer, Ryan and Vodka Breath all have their own romantic interests of course, but one by one, each is left dateless.

Lindsey gives Ryan the old "I'm afraid dating will affect our lab partnership" speech. Alex gives Seth the could shoulder - and to show him last episode's kiss meant nothing, kisses the beer guy and another girl bartender. Zach dumps Summer because of her "all Cohen, all the time" format, but passive aggressively gives a "my sick grandmother's birthday just came up" excuse. Marissa is cool with DJ, the richest yard guy in all of California, but she's still too embarassed to be seen with him in public.

Nonetheless, Julie and Jimmy Cooper are chaperoning, so Marissa has to decorate for the dance and attend (I could've sworn by school had planning committee for this type of shit) so she has to go, attached or not.

Meanwhile, Sandy continues to suspect that Caleb is hiding something, and suspects that he has been making child support payments to the redheaded lady. Remember this one - it may come in useful later. But neither Caleb nor the redheaded lady is talking. But I have a sneaking suspicion the redheaded lady will come around.

Julie catches Marissa in bed with DJ and Julie promptly fires him, forgetting that he quit two episodes ago. Julie then grounds Marissa, which is great because all Marissa does in her room is drink and fuck the yard guy. Marissa has a dilemma now, because she's too embarassed to bring DJ to the dance, yet she knows nothing would piss Julie off more. Ultimately, Marissa chooses shallow vanity over shallow pettiness, and asks Ryan to go as a friend, because they had so much fun carrying a giant penguin decoration for the dance earlier.

Lindsey changes her mind and now wants to go to the dance with Ryan, but only after Ryan accepts the Anorexic Alcoholic's invitation. So her life is, like, so over.

Summer and Seth want to stay home, but Marissa and Ryan respectively talk them into becoming third-wheels. We all know Marissa and Ryan are so fucking boring by themselves, and I guess they realize this too. In any case, Seth and Summer reluctantly go in together.

Fast forward to the dance, it's awkward, but it's friendly, until Zach, realizing how lame his excuse was, does an illegal u-turn and storms into the dance. He sees Summer and Seth slow dancing, and says some stuff about how the two are like Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia, and storms back out. A throwaway line, obviously.

Predictably, DJ shows up as well in his shiny Toyota Tundra. Luckily, Ryan is tired of Vodka Breath and gives his jacket and tie to DJ, possibly because he's also tired of wearing the same suit and tie to every damn formal since he arrived at the Cohens'. Marissa dances with DJ hoping to piss off Julie, who doesn't really give a fuck because she's hooking up with Jimmy.

Ryan himself leaves to check up on Lindsey in the OC ghetto. Lindsey actually looks good in her dork glasses, but takes them off when Ryan arrives, much to my disappointment.

She is also wearing a pair of "Freudian slippers" (see left). Anyway, they talked and I tuned them out. But Lindsey said something about Marissa being the "most intimidating beautiful girl" at school. She clearly needs to wear her glasses at school.

Zach, after leaving the dance in a huff, goes to the Bait Shop for some liquid courage. Well, chocolate milk and some advice from Alex. Alex tells Zach to stand up and fight for the girl. Zach correctly concludes that if he can beat anyone up, it's Seth, and does yet another u-turn. Alex, upon hearing Seth Cohen being named, rushes out after him to prevent disaster.

Back at the Sno C, Zach is all boozed up off Yoohoo, sees Summer and Seth sitting apart from each other, generally being snarky to each other. Seth gets up to greet Zach, but in his chocolate-fueled rage, Zach throws a punch right in Seth's face. Summer does the "Cohen, are you okay?" thing, but she is pushed aside by Alex, who had trailed Zach, other customers at Bait Shop be damned. Back at the now empty Bait Shop, Seth and Alex do the obligatory post-got-knocked-the-fuck-out make out session.

Back at the Cohens', the indecisive Lindsey shows up at Ryan's poolhouse. The two lovebirds commence in some hot tonsil hockey action, which naturally leads to some hot... video game action. Kids these days. They grow up so fast.

So just as last episode had ended, Marissa is with DJ, Ryan is with Lindsey, Seth is with Alex and Summer is with Zach, each relationship stronger than before. Which of course means there's nowhere to go but down.

Over at the main house, the redheaded lady who may have had a baby with Caleb comes back to Sandy to explain more. Since Kirsten shouldn't hear any of the conversation, they go out to the patio, and wouldn't you know it, Ryan and Lindsey also emerge from the poolhouse in their post-video game bliss. Lindsey sees the redheaded lady and asks "Mom?"

I should've seen this coming. How many redheads are there in the dodgy areas of the OC? Plus, Zach's comment about Luke and Leia had to be a hint. So yes, because Lindsey is the daughter of Seth's grandfather, Seth lusted after his aunt in the previous episode. I wonder what her Freudian slippers would say about that.

That's that. Good episode over all, certainly the best of the season. The dialog is fun again, the Star Wars references were a nice touch, and they managed to make fun of themselves without going over the top. Nice balance of melodrama and action, not to mention the girl-on-girl kiss. And Alex's hair looks much better without that crazy bang shit.

Next week, Chrismukkah.