Bipartisan Hatorade of Truth - a message to Americans on Election Day

Incredibly long, and perhaps a little incoherent rant on why you are all fucking* stupid, both Republicans and Democrats, and other kind words.

(*In this entry, I make liberal use of the word "fuck" and various forms thereof. I realize the word may not be fit for civil discourse, but I thought it was absolutely necessary. Because I'm fucking pissed. And I can't show the fucking veins in my neck or me pounding my fist on the fucking fist. So get the fuck over it, I guess.)

First, the Republicans because I hate you more than I hate Democrats. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why are you letting fucking right wing wackos speak for you? You guys are supposed to be the fucking moderates, the voice of reason, the sensible defenders of small government and accountability.

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Yet, you guys are supporting a president who has increased spending (non-military spending, that is) at a record rate. Sure, GOP is good for business, but not your business. Why the fuck else would they oppose Kerry's insurance-buy in plan? It's going to reduce the burden on small businesses by lowering the cost of health insurance plans. What? You don't like socialism? Oh, fuck you. Then where is the fucking outrage against your socialist highway system, your socialist police forces and socialist fire departments?

The fact is, consolidating insurance buy-in is going to lower costs (about 40% of health care cost goes to administration - so much for the public sector being more efficient, huh) and less uninsured patients means less taxpayer money spent on unpaid hospital bills. This isn't national healthcare - this is fucking good business. Isn't that what you fuckers want? You're the ones who are always crying about how government should be run like a business. Well, here the fuck you go.

But I'm not here to discuss healthcare. I'm here to discuss the fact that you people are willfully stupid. You only see two options. Us or them. Welfare or employment. Capitalism or socialism. Low taxes or high taxes. You couldn't get it through your tiny little heads that there are always more than two choices. And that the two sides aren't mutually exclusive.

Which is why you don't get that you're getting dragged the fuck around by the Christian Right. You're thinking, "Hmm, I'm a morally upright conservative. The only other option is a world inundated with indecency!" That's why you're getting screwed by big business, and you support tax cuts for the rich, even when it's obvious that the rich won't fucking put the tax cuts back into the economy like the poor and middle class tax payers do. No, I'm not trying to insult you when I call you willfully stupid - well, maybe a bit. No, I'm begging you - you're blessed with a brain or two, use them. Read. Study. Stop letting your agenda co-opted by people who don't give a fuck about you.

And for fuck's sake, stop your fucking whining about the liberals and the media. Please. What, Fox News isn't the media? Hannity and Limbaugh aren't the media? You really think media outlets owned by Viacom, Disney, TimeWarner, GE/Vivendi Universal, Infinity and ClearChannel are going to be liberal? And where is your fucking accountability? Sometimes things go wrong because things go wrong, not because of the liberals. Do something or stop whining. And this is my pet peeve - stop constructing liberal strawmen. Liberals don't want soldiers to die, or for communism to win, or to convert your children to homosexuality, or to let criminals run loose. Liberals are just people like you, but they take the democratic process more seriously (albeit too seriously at times).

Now, the Democrats. Now, I hate you less than I hate Republicans, but only marginally so. Whereas the Reeps are willfully stupid, you fuckers are self-righteous, self-congratulatory, and ultimately, self-defeating. See, I like a lot of your ideas in theory, but you have no idea how to get them to work. Your biggest problem? You have no idea how to communicate to people who don't share your beliefs, and you need to drop your holier than thou act.

Pro-lifers don't fight against abortion because they don't care about women (okay, maybe they don't, but that's not the point). Think about why they are against abortion, and deconstruct their arguments. You're emotional, they're emotional - take the upper hand by putting up a convincing argument.

And stop with the "Bush is a terrorist" and "No blood for war" shit. No, you might be right, but that's not going to convince anybody and you're just alienating people. All you're doing is preaching to the choir - you have no idea how to sell your ideas.

You have to give people what they want. You have to use the other side's argument against them. I'm right because I read books doesn't work. Comparisons to Hitler or apartheid only pisses people off.

Instead of calling names, why the fuck won't you address Kerry's supposed weaknesses? The flip flop charge - no shit, he's a senator. Senators flip flop. Why don't you point out Bush's flip flops, or that he doesn't have a single piece of coherent, competent domestic policy? That's the problem with you - you are perfectly happy to circle jerk and sing praises of your candidate, and don't care about convincing voters.

Don't resort to the usual emotional argument or anti-Bushisms. Talk about how he can help someone other than yourself.

And this is to both sides - stop dwelling on the trivial. Making fun of Bush for war mongering or past cocaine use or (lack of) military service or malapropisms won't do anything. Yeah, it's good for a laugh, but it's not political discourse.
And what the fuck was that outrage over Kerry's Mary Cheney comment? Mary Cheney has been openly gay for god knows how long. She worked in community outreach for the GOP, Coors Brewery and the Colorado Rockies. You know what that means? Her fucking job is to be openly lesbian! And just this August, after he changed his mind on gay marriage for the second time, he name drops her daughter - that's not cynical? That's not exploiting his daughter for political purposes? Of course it is, and the faked outrage was just a nice way to cover up a woeful debate circuit in which Bush was reduced to repeating talking points like "98 times" and "liberal from Massachusetts" and "Kerry doctrine".

But why do we dwell over such trivial bullshit? Because the fucking media doesn't do its job. I'll spare you the rant because Jon Stewart has already gone on Crossfire and did it so eloquently. But the media doesn't report what's important - they just report what sells, and what makes for easy soundbites. Which is part of the reason why we are in Iraq and we are presented with two incredibly unattractive candidates. God help us.

So with reluctance, I endorse Kerry, mostly because there needs to be accountability. If we pretend Bush is the CEO, then as shareholders, we have to fire him. His borrow-and-spend fiscal policy is driving up the deficit, he rushed into war and is underfunding the military. At the very least, Kerry will bring back fiscal sanity, mostly because we'll have a split government, but more importantly, it'll send a message - incompetence and contempt for the democratic process will not be tolerated.

And no matter whom you vote for, or where you stand in the political spectrum, demand more from your politicians and the media. Stop watching CNN, Fox News and MSNBC. Stop getting your news from political blogs - they're fun, but they're crap as news sources or even for serious commentary. And for god's sake, listen to the other side. We are all good people and we all want the same thing for our society. We just have different ways of getting to the goal - you can always learn something new.

Vote. Vote with your head, your conscience, your heart. Vote. This is the most important election of your lifetime. Just remember that your role in democracy doesn't end here. Let's hope we have a president-elect by Wednesday morning.